To be perfectly honest, I have not kept up with the teenage travails of The Summer I Turned Pretty over the last few years—but because I love star Lola Tung almost as much as I feel “meh” about the show’s two seemingly interchangeable blond male protagonists, I’m giving it another go for The Summer I Turned Pretty’s Season 3 premiere.
And so, without further ado, here’s (literally) every thought I had while catching up:
- God, I want to be in a pool right now.
- Ironically, the only reason I’m not in a pool right now is because I’m recapping this show.
- Aw, Lola Tung looks so pretty!
- The idea of finding your soulmate in college sounds nothing but claustrophobic to me.
- Which blond brother is this, again?
- I remember thinking my dorm room was gigantic, but this one looks small as hell, which makes me think mine was also tiny.
- Actually, I just slept in a dorm for my tenth college reunion (I’m old), and I feel like it seems a lot more exciting to sleep on a twin XL when you’re Belly’s age.
- True-crime podcasts: the ultimate friend of the empty-nester.
- Oop, Conrad mention!
- Damn, Steven moves fast.
- Aw, I miss Alicia Silverstone.
- Oh shit, Belly and Jeffremiah (or whatever this kid’s name is) are doing it?
- Granted, I’m not super up-to-date on past seasons, but I do think it’s cool when teen dramas acknowledge that most teens do actually…have sex.
- Why is this college called Finch?
- This kid’s tan and blond hair are really making me think of a grilled cheese sandwich.
- Unfortunately, he also looks like a lacrosse guy from my high school who sucked so bad that sometimes I still think about him and hope he’s having a bad day.
- Hey, there’s Conrad!
- At least this one doesn’t look like a clammy food item stacked on a table at a frat party.
- I can’t say I love his little bang swoop, though.
- Aw, I like his therapist!
- Belly, you are correct to hate this boy’s frat.
- Hey, while we’re here, has everyone seen The Hunting Ground?
- Or read Know My Name by Chanel Miller?
- I don’t really care about Steven’s job, TBH.
- I do care about his illicit hookup with Taylor, however.
- Belly’s going to Paris!
- Likely place for a college student to study abroad.
- Jeremiah’s not graduating?
- Leave this man in your dust, Belly!
- I mean, I’m sorry, I know he’s grieving, but still.
- You are too cute to be comforting a blond man in a rugby shirt about his bad grades, Belly!
- Oh, I thought Steven just had a very femme eye for interior decor, but he’s asleep in Taylor’s room.
- Which is in a sorority house, natch.
- Steven really is the best-looking man on this show.
- I have to agree with Taylor that there’s no real substantive difference between a sorority and a Princeton eating club.
- Peach bike shorts? Bold, Taylor.
- I do understand the female urge to put sunscreen on your foolhardy boyfriend, but let him handle that shit himself, Belly!
- Taylor’s rush chair? Go off, queen.
- Inevitable-Chappell Roan-needle-drop time.
- I know it seems like I’m just needlessly picking on Jeremiah, but I really, truly hate his going-out shirt.
- LOL, I do love what a committed stoner Jeremiah is (even though Belly doesn’t).
- God, poor Mia.
- Aw, I’m glad Conrad and Jeremiah are talking (sort of).
- I, too, love Taylor with a smoky eye.
- Is Belly’s dress Reformation? I like.
- Yay! Paris!
- God, even watching a frat party unfold onscreen makes me nauseous.
- You know, when Conrad recounts the story of his love triangle to this rando girl, it does sound kind of insane.
- Almost like…the premise for a teen soap!
- I’m having real Catcher in the Rye feels about all these defenseless teen girls standing around binge-drinking.
- OMG, Jeremiah cheated on Belly?
- KILL THIS MAN!
- JK.
- But at least key his car!
- Gather all these women at the party to claw his eyes out!
- Oh, not the “We were on a break” defense!
- Ross Geller beat you to it, babe.
- Oh no, Belly puked.
- We love a slow-motion run, don’t we, folks?
