WALNUT CREEK, CA—Expressing relief that he finally had the free time to explore his interests and hobbies, local 64-year-old dad Peter Hopkins announced Thursday that he was spending his retirement untangling a big mess of wires. “I’ve been wanting to go through this stuff for ages,” said the former account director, who reportedly paced back and forth to get a good visual on the jumbled mix of Ethernet cables, old phone chargers, and RCA connectors, noting that the task should keep his mind sharp and body active for a good 10 to 15 years at least. “My plan is to start with the TV wires, then slowly work my way through the computer cords, until all that’s left is the stuff I don’t recognize. Looks like there’s a good pair of USB headphones and a practically brand new VGA cable, too. Hopefully, I can get those loose within two or three years.” At press time, Hopkins was said to have thrown the heap of wires to the floor and cursed, declaring he would get back to the task after a long nap.
