NEW YORK—NFL referees announced Monday they had started a new tip line to which penalties could be reported, part of an effort to streamline the video review process and provide an opportunity for fans to help with the enforcement of…
CHARLOTTE, NC—Screaming at the TV and remarking to himself that none of this made any sense, local football fan Sean Greene criticized an unrealistic NFL commercial Thursday for depicting a Carolina Panthers fan watching a game with his friends. “It’s…
LOS ANGELES—Staring blankly at the 27-year-old woman sitting across from him, musical artist Justin Bieber told reporters Thursday that he had forgotten his wife’s name. “I’d just keep saying ‘babe,’ but I think she’s starting to catch on,” said Bieber, who…
Mufasa: The Lion Kingthe prequel to the 2019 photorealistic remake of The Lion Kingarrives in theaters Dec. 20. Here’s what you need to know about the newest Disney film. Q: What can fans expect to learn about Mufasa’s backstory? A:…
LEXINGTON, KY—Clutching his stomach and describing his nostalgia for an era now passed, 36-year-old man Steven Dewey sat down with reporters this week and recalled his halcyon days of seven Oreos ago. “Ah, to be at the beginning of the…
MADISON, WI—In the hours following a violent rampage in Wisconsin in which a lone attacker killed at least two individuals and injured six others, citizens living in the only country where this kind of mass killing routinely occurs reportedly concluded…
WASHINGTON—Apologizing for the terrifying series of events that left shocked, confused, and disgusted citizens screaming, crying, and searching for cover, Federal Emergency Management Agency administrator Daniel Gilroy announced his resignation Tuesday after accidentally playing porn on the nation’s Emergency Alert…
BOSTON—Gazing longingly at the obvious warmth and good cheer within, local bald man Frank Richmond reportedly pressed his face to a window Wednesday as a thick-haired family inside sat down to dinner. “They all seem so happy,” said Richmond, his wrinkled, naked pate offering no protection from the cold night air as he…
THE HEAVENS—Groaning to Himself as the professionally dressed evangelists rounded the corner, the Lord God Almighty reportedly locked the gates of heaven Tuesday after spotting Mormon missionaries milling around outside. “Maybe if we turn off all the lights and pretend…
Doctor Warns Of Damaging Effects Child Obesity Having On Mall Santas – The Onion Share Published: December 17, 2024 Explore More Videos Read More Source link
