CLEVELAND—Screaming with delight when the rarely seen star appeared onscreen in the opening scene of the film, sources confirmed Thursday that, holy shit, Daniel Day-Lewis is in this. “Man, I thought this was just a Paul Dano flick, but I guess…
Question for Jeanketeers: Who do you write to if you want to get things to stop changing? Congress? Or influencers, like a lady I spotted the other day in the Walgreens parking lot filming herself in her car yelling? Just…
MINNEAPOLIS—Looking glumly at the mess of candies and royal icing, local 44-year-old Anthony Renton told reporters Thursday that building a shitty gingerbread house was just making his depression worse. “Nothing will stick—the gumdrops, the Twizzlers, the candy canes, the Hershey’s…
Ho, Ho, Ho, I’m Regrowing My Foreskin! – The Onion Share Published: December 19, 2024 Explore More Videos Read More Source link
CHICAGO—Stressing that the procedure offered affected individuals their best chance at recuperation, experts at Northwestern University’s medical school issued a recommendation Thursday that severely injured people should be placed into some sort of cylindrical tank filled with fluid. “Our data…
NEW YORK—NFL referees announced Monday they had started a new tip line to which penalties could be reported, part of an effort to streamline the video review process and provide an opportunity for fans to help with the enforcement of…
CHARLOTTE, NC—Screaming at the TV and remarking to himself that none of this made any sense, local football fan Sean Greene criticized an unrealistic NFL commercial Thursday for depicting a Carolina Panthers fan watching a game with his friends. “It’s…
LOS ANGELES—Staring blankly at the 27-year-old woman sitting across from him, musical artist Justin Bieber told reporters Thursday that he had forgotten his wife’s name. “I’d just keep saying ‘babe,’ but I think she’s starting to catch on,” said Bieber, who…
Mufasa: The Lion Kingthe prequel to the 2019 photorealistic remake of The Lion Kingarrives in theaters Dec. 20. Here’s what you need to know about the newest Disney film. Q: What can fans expect to learn about Mufasa’s backstory? A:…
LEXINGTON, KY—Clutching his stomach and describing his nostalgia for an era now passed, 36-year-old man Steven Dewey sat down with reporters this week and recalled his halcyon days of seven Oreos ago. “Ah, to be at the beginning of the…
